Televisions, Owls and Lost Bangles
by Emmi-Chick
Summary: The Cullen family watch 'The Ring' a horror movie. Basically, they are COMPLETELY freaked out and decide to destroy all televisions in the Cullen household... If you haven't seen 'The Ring', a small summary of the movie is at the beginning on the story! :
1. Televisions, Owls and Lost Bangles

* * *

**This story is completely random... but I'm kinda proud of it :)**

**The Cullens watch 'The Ring', a horror movie about a little girl named Samara, and when you watch her video tape, the phone rings and says s_even days_, then after seven days she comes through your television screen and kills you...**

**That movie scared the living daylights out of me, so it makes me feel better to think it may have scared a Cullen or two... or seven!!**

**Enjoy! :)  
**

* * *

A quiet twilight finalized another sunlit day in Forks and granted freedom to the Cullen household. Rare and boring, these particular nights annoyed the Cullens to the point of enduring 'scary' movies. Usually these movies had no effect on any of the Cullens, after all, Carlisle, Esme, Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice have, without a doubt, witnessed more horror in their lives than any scary movie could ever portray. Or so they thought, those foolish, charming vampires. And what movie, do you ask, could possibly be so terrifying, so teeth-chattering, to send the Cullen's over the edge?

The Ring.

Emmett's choice.

The movie finished and the credits began to roll. Edward walked so very slowly, considering his vampirism, towards the television. He raised a trembling hand to the eject button of the DVD player, and pushed it gently. The small silver disc ascended too quickly for Edward's liking (causing him to flinch violently) from within the machine and stopped, waiting for Edward to pick it up and place it back in it's cover. Edward stood, unmoving. Hand still raised, staring at the disc. Fear stricken.

'Emmett... you take it.' Edward whispered, lowering his trembling hand and turning to face his likewise shaking brother.

'No way, man. I choose life.' Emmett shook his head violently, tucking his long legs into his chest protectively, as if they would drop off without support.

'J-Jasper?' Edward turned to his newest brother, half pleading.

'I would but- **HOLY CROW WHAT THE HELL WAS _THAT_**?' Jasper was halfway through his sentence when a small, innocent owl hooted outside one of the many large windows surrounding the Cullen mansion.

Everyone screamed.

Jasper grabbed Alice's arm and flung himself over the back of his long leather couch, pulling Alice with him. Carlisle buried his head in a pillow and Esme, trying to make herself as small as possible, curled into a small ball next to her husband. Rosalie screamed the loudest, bravely throwing her nail file at the television screen ('Take that, TV!') and shielding her eyes with her arm. Emmett roared in horror and tried to crawl under the large, green rocking chair he had been sitting in, but of course he was too big. So he picked up the rocking chair, lay down on the floor and placed the rocking chair on top of him. Edward fell to his knees and threw his arms over his head. No one moved for several moments.

'Is she... g-gone?' Rosalie stuttered, opening a small, curious eye to peer out the window.

'Who?' Esme asked, lifting her head slightly to gaze questioningly at her eldest daughter.

'_Samara_' Rosalie hissed, everyone screamed... again.

'It's okay... calm down everyone it was just an owl.' Carlisle explained, lowering his pillow-shield from his eyes to point out the window at the suspected owl.

'An evil owl?' Emmett asked seriously, everyone flinched and turned to look at the owl. It hooted once more, and screaming erupted in the Cullen's lounge.

Edward was the first to compose himself. 'No,' He stammered, 'It's just a normal owl.'

'You'd like me to believe that, wouldn't you _Samara_?!' Emmett's voice boomed through the old mansion. Everyone flinched at the name.

'I am _not _S-' Edward looked around at his cowering family, deciding to spare them. 'I am not _her_.'

'Prove it!' Emmett hissed, holding the rocking chair steadily above him.

'_She_ is a little girl and _I_ am an immortal vampire!' Edward huffed, looking around him warily.

'She's immortal too! GET AWAY FROM ME!' Emmett roared, searching his pockets for a weapon to throw at 'Samara.' Finding only a packet of tic-tacs, Emmett decided they would have to do. One by one, Emmett threw the tic-tacs at his brother.

'Emmett, you're immortal t- stop that! Emmett, I- cut it out! It's- Emmett _stop_!' Edward began dodging the tic-tacs, sliding easily out of the way.

'Be gone, demon! To the fresh-breathed fires of hell!' Emmett roared, running out of tic-tacs and throwing the box instead, missing Edward by inches.

'Cut it out! I am _not _Samara!' Edward hissed the final word, completing his sentence. Everyone flinched again.

'Oh yeah? Well-' Emmett began, but was cut off.

'Emmett, no one is S- the girl, alright?' Carlisle tried to look brave for his family, but his voice cracked and he was still holding his pillow-shield tight to his chest.

Silence rang through the Cullen mansion, no one moved. Golden eyes shone through the darkening lounge as the merciless sun disappeared behind the betraying edges of the forest. Twilight was cruel tonight.

'Edward, grab that disc before it scratches, thanks to Emmett our bill for the movie store has trippled in the past month.' Carlisle instructed his first son, nodding towards the disc in encouragement.

'But-' Edward was cut off, as the phone rang. The screaming re-erupted through the mansion, the only difference this time was, the screaming didn't stop. Rosalie sprang from her couch, threw the rocking chair off Emmett and wrapped her arms around him, Emmett in turn, held her close. Jasper, his hand still fastened to Alice's arm as though welded there, raced over to Edward and sat by him, pulling Alice into a tight embrace, stroking her hair as her small frame trembled into his chest. Carlisle pulled Esme across the room and sat her gently by Edward, before striding towards the house phone, hanging on the wall opposite to the television.

All this happened before the second ring of the telephone could be heard. Carlisle reached for the phone and slowly picked it up, his thumb hovering over the answer button.

'Carlisle, no!' Esme sobbed.

'Esme...' Edward hissed, fastening his mother by his side.

'N-no!' Esme stuttered, extending a long white arm to reach for her husband.

'Esme, it's alright! Edward...' Carlisle begged, turning to his son.

Edward nodded in understanding, took his mother's outstretched arm and held it securely at his side. Carlisle nodded a small thanks to Edward before turning back to the phone. Carlisle masked all terror on his face for his family, but his eyes betrayed him as he took one last look at his cowering family, before pressing the small green button firmly, and holding the telephone to his ear.

'Hello?' Carlisle half whispered.

'_Seven days..._' The voice in the phone whispered eerily.

'**WHAT?**' Carlisle roared, almost dropping the phone. Everyone jumped.

'I _said_, may I speak to Doctor Cullen please?' The voice repeated.

'I- oh, yes you can, I mean yes, this is Doctor Cullen speaking, who is this?'

'OH MY GOD IT'S HER!' Emmett roared, cowering behind his wife, who was shaking her head in disbelief.

'Emmett shush, you don't know that!' Alice spoke for the first time, placing a small, shaking hand on her brother's broad shoulder.

'...Yes I'll be right there, how many dead?' Carlisle had his back to his family, speaking quickly into the phone.

'OH NO! IT _IS _HER!' Jasper yelled, tightening his grip around Alice's shoulders protectively.

'SHE'S ALREADY KILLED PEOPLE!' Emmett added, horrified.

'YOU CAN'T GO CARLISLE!' Rosalie screamed.

'We won't let you.' Alice nodded her head defensively.

'Will you all _please _calm down? It's not Samara, it's the hospital. There's been an emergency, a security guard has been attacked by what the police have described as... some kind of monster.' Carlisle's voice faded as he walked to the front door, wrapped his dark coat around himself and grabbed his car keys. 'I'll be back in the morning, NO more scary movies you lot, I want to come home to a nice, not-freaked out family. Can we manage that?'

'Yes, Carlisle.' The Cullens chanted in unison, none of them moved from their cowering forms.

'Have a good night.' And with one swift slide of the front door, Carlisle was gone. But the terror remained.

'So... what do we do now?' Emmett questioned the silence, not taking his eyes off the front door, where his father had disappeared not yet seconds ago.

'Bolt the doors?' Rosalie suggested.

'And the windows, don't forget the windows...' Alice added.

'Why? Alice, what did you see? Is she coming through the windows?!' Jasper hissed, shaking his wife gently. Rosalie shrieked and spun her eyes to every window in the room, one by one.

'No, just a suggestion!' Alice called after Jasper, but he was already looking for the Cullen's tool box, which he knew contained several hammers and nails to bolt the doors and windows.

'Jasper where the hell are you going?' Emmett yelled, his voice echoing loudly.

'Hammers..! Nails...!' Jasper breathed, running in and out of the room, searching for the small box.

'Screw hammers and nails! I'll go rip some trees down!' And Emmett was gone.

'Emmett Mcarty Cullen, you come back here! Those trees are older than you are!' Esme preached, pointing a shaking finger towards the floor in demand.

'I doubt it.' Emmett scoffed, folding his arms at his mother.

'Emmett...' Esme warned.

'Alright...' Emmett sat cross-legged, across from his family, his head in his hands.

Silence roamed once more, save for the small wisps of air Jasper created as he entered and exited the Cullen lounge.

'Jasper?' Alice was staring blankly at the television, acids of realization seeping to her stomach, shock carved into her face.

Jasper stopped running immediately, and flashed to Alice's side.

'What? What's wrong? Alice!' Jasper breathed anxiously, picking Alice's hand up and entwining her fingers through his.

'Did we all forget _how _Samara gets to her victims?' Alice mouthed, little to no sound emitting from her lips. All breathing stopped in the room as realization struck the six remaining Cullens. All eyes turned slowly to the television, the screen now blue.

'The television!' Rosalie gasped, Alice's hand flew to her sister's mouth, forcing back a sure-to-be blood-curling scream

'How many in the house?' Emmett asked, trying and failing to count the Cullen's televisions on his fingers.

'Six.' Esme replied quickly, her eyes still fixed on the television.

'Alright.' Edward began, slowly sitting up from his crouch on the floor and turning to face his family. 'We all have to split up, we all take out one television each. Wait for my mark. Rose-' Edward pointed at his first sister- 'You take out the television in your's and Emmett's room. Alice-' Edward then pointed at his newest sister, 'The one in your's and Jasper's room. Jasper-' Edward pointed at the ready-to-run Jasper, already crouched and ready to sprint to his appointed television- 'You take Esme and Carlisle's television. Emmett-' Emmett jumped as his name was mentioned, but was at Jasper's side crouched and ready to go within a second. 'The kitchen. Esme-' Edward turned to his mother- 'You take this one and I will take out the one in my bedroom. Everyone understand?'

The Cullen family all nodded in response to Edward, too focused on their targets to reply verbally.

'Alright, once your television is destroyed, waste no time and bring the remains here to be burnt. We can't afford to take any chances here. If you need help, yell out. I expect you all to drop whatever you're doing and run to where you heard-' But Edward was cut off.

'Edward, we get it. Run, smash, burn, scream. Let's do this already!' Roared Emmett, running on the spot to warm up.

'Okay, okay, go!' Edward breathed, and the family disappeared.

Emmett reached the kitchen television first, and loud 'take that!'s' and 'you wanna piece of me?'s' could now be heard, emitting up the long corridors of the Cullen mansion. Edward appeared in a flash, beside Emmett.

'Emmett, please.' Edward begged, using his arms to gesture towards Emmett's assigned target.

'No way, bro. Get your own television, this one's mine.' Emmett smiled, thrusting his powerful fist forward, into the screen of the television.

'I meant the sound effects! Can you keep them to a minimum _please_?' Edward pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration as Emmett karate chopped the television antennae ('**Hi-yah!**').

'Sure thing.' Emmett winked, and Edward stalked off, knowing Emmett had no intention of quietening down.

Esme faced her television, her fingers pushed hard into her temples in concentration, pushing her fear into the deep crevices of her mind where she could not feel it. Opening her eyes slowly, Esme took her left shoe off her small, dainty foot and raised it to the television. But before she could strike, Esme heard a spine-tingling scream emit from Rosalie and Emmett's room. Esme sighed, half in relief that she now had an excuse to put off destroying the television, and half in fear for her first daughter. Throwing her shoe to the floor and hauling herself from the Cullen lounge in haunting grace, Esme pushed herself to the top of the staircase and through Rosalie's bedroom door.

'Rose? Wha-' Esme began in a rush, but was cut off.

'HELP! HELP ME! AARGH!' Rosalie wailed. Rosalie was sitting on the floor in the middle of her room, hugging her long legs to her chest. If vampires could cry, Rosalie would be bawling.

'FOR GOD'S SAKE ROSE!' Edward roared from his room, 'THIS IS SERIOUS!'

'PISS OFF EDWARD!' Rosalie squealed, thrashing her arms madly.

By now, five of the six remaining Cullens in the Cullen mansion were all assembled in Rosalie's room, every golden eye was scanning the surroundings anxiously, searching for the danger that had caused Rosalie to scream. Emmett gave up first after scanning the room only once, and huffed impatiently.

'What happened? Where's the danger?' Emmett demanded, walking slowly towards Rosalie, who was still in hysterics.

After scanning the room several times, Alice and Jasper gave up too and were both now curious to learn of the danger Rosalie had faced, only seconds ago.

'What, Rose?' Alice chimed, her eyes darting from Rosalie's television to Rosalie, who was now rocking back and forth.

'FORGET IT GUYS, GO BACK TO YOUR TELEVISIONS AND BURN THE PIECES IN THE LOUNGE!' Edward commanded, smashing emitting from his room and echoing through the hallways.

'YOU'RE SO MEAN!' Rosalie screamed to Edward, pulling off her right shoe and throwing it at her wardrobe.

'Rose! What _happened_?' Emmett asked again. Jasper made an attempt to calm everyone down, but Rosalie shot him a dark look and the waves of calm soon disappeared.

'I-I lost my rose-gold bangle!' Rosalie huffed, attempting to calm herself down. But when she saw the look on Emmett's face, full of 'that's _it_?', she started on a whole new batch of tearless sobs. Emmett immediately looked apologetic.

'I'm sorry! I didn't mean it, we'll find it I promise!' Emmett encouraged, reaching forward to touch Rosalie's face.

'Don't touch me!' Rosalie spat, slapping Emmett's hand away.

'Not to be rude, because I'm a little terrified of you, Rosalie. But... shouldn't we be focusing on greater priorities _before _we find this bangle?' Jasper suggested, smiling slightly out of fear.

'IT WAS NOT _JUST _A BANGLE!' Rosalie roared at Jasper, causing Jasper to take several paces backwards to the door.

'Sorry, sorry, sorry...' Jasper muttered under his breath.

'Rose, that's enough! Pull yourself together, stop acting like a two-year-old, gain some dignity and destroy that television before a little girl comes through it and destroys _you_!' Edward ordered, appearing outside Rosalie's door with a pile of television parts in his arms.

The destroyed television particles woke Emmett up, and he raced to the kitchen to retrieve his. Jasper nodded a small inaudible thank you to Edward, backed out of Rosalie and Emmett's room and raced off to Esme and Carlisle's. Alice right behind him.

'I'll stay with Rosalie' Esme offered, walking towards her daughter.

'Mom, theres no need to be frightened of a television, I'm finished with mine now anyway, I'll be in the lounge with you.' Edward smiled at his mother before racing from the room with his 'television.'

* * *

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	2. Bait, Manuals and TiVo

**Warning: Extremely random...**

**Enjoy! =]**

* * *

'She's here.' Emmett whispered loudly, 'And she's taken the form of Carlisle... how strange.'

Backing away from the family room's window, Emmett unnecessarily called his family for attention, for every Cullen and Hale was present, staring fearfully at Emmett.

'Alright, wheres the bait?' Emmett half smiled, scanning the room for his murderous wife.

'I told you before, I'm not doing this Emmett!' Rosalie scoffed, crossing her arms.

'Oh yes you are, you drew the shortest straw so you're the bait!'

'Emmett, no!'

'Yes!'

'I am your _wife_! You go be the bait!'

'When has that statement _ever _saved you from being the bait... in anything?!' Emmett asked.

'Well... never. I wouldn't have thought we'd ever need bait for anything ever again!' Rosalie admitted sadly.

'Right, well obviously you lost your copy of '_The Cullen Family Manual: All The Necessities To Survive A Guaranteed 10 Centuries As A Cullen_' Emmett shook his head in disbelief.

'Emmett, there is no such thing. Just because you cut out coupons from a newspaper last year and handed them out to the entire family, doesn't make them manuals!' Rosalie snapped.

'You're stalling! ...And that hurt!' Emmett frowned, grabbing Rosalie's arm and pulling her to the front door.

'Wait! No... Emmett! I'll get you for this...' Rosalie hissed, stumbling towards the front door as Emmett let go of her arm.

'Love you too, babe. Here's your nail file... it doesn't work as a weapon against a TV, but it may slow Samara down a little... before she devours you...' Emmett handed Rosalie her broken nail file, kissed her lightly on her forehead, dodged a fiery punch, and backed away into the family room where the rest of the Cullens were watching Rosalie anxiously.

'Well now I feel protected! Thanks a lot Emmett!' Rosalie whined, but she braced her nail file tightly in her hand all the same. Rosalie blinked twice, then raised her hand slowly to the door handle...

* * *

Carlisle Cullen rose gracefully out of his car and shut the door quietly, fully aware of his family's fragile state. Carlisle gazed peacefully up at his large white home, now painted silver by the moonlight. Savoring the moment, Carlisle drew in a deep breath, breathing the familiar scent of his family, nearby animals and a hint of rain in the air. If truth be told, Carlisle Cullen was extremely nervous and downright terrified to enter his home, not knowing how many vampiric mental breakdowns he would be facing.

Dawdling, Carlile took in one final breath of night air, sighed loudly, and began to climb the front porch stairs. Reaching the front door, Carlisle outstretched his arm, grasped the door handle, twisted, pushed and dropped his keys in shock.

Rosalie Hale was standing in front of Carlisle, her hand on the other side of the door, having just wrenched it open to reveal a shocked and terrified Carlisle Cullen.

Predictably, Rosalie screamed, tripping backwards and falling gracefully to the floor.

'It's me Rose, it's Carlisle!' Carlisle yelled, taking a step towards his daughter, a helping arm outstretched. Rosalie stared at Carlisle's arm in horror, her wide, golden eyes shifting around her searching for help.

'That's close enough, Samara!' A voice called from the next room.

'Wait, let her get a little closer...' A second voice whispered.

'Shut up, Edward!' Rosalie hissed from the floor towards the family room, where quiet chuckling could now be heard.

'You were clever to use the front door, Samara. How did you learn?' Emmett whispered loudly.

'Better yet, how did she find out we destroyed all the televisions?' Jasper questioned.

A grinning Carlisle sighed loudly before picking up his keys, walking into the hallway, closing the door behind him and hanging up his coat.

'Good one guys, you got me! Very amusing.' Carlisle crossed his arms and stared down at a whimpering Rosalie.

'Jasper, what's she talking about?' Emmett nudged his brother.

'Amazing... she sounds just like Carlisle too...' Jasper stared at 'Samara' in awe.

'Does that mean Carlisles... d-dead?' Alice sobbed behind Jasper.

'I don't know... why don't you ask her?' Edward was still chuckling, leaning against the archway that divided the family room and the hallway.

'Edward, you seem like the sane one in the room, what's going on here?' Carlisle turned to his first son, eyebrows raised.

'They think you're Samara, from the movie.' Edward explained, his crooked smile setting off Rosalie's last nerve.

'EDWARD, IF YOU KNOW SOMETHING, SPILL IT!' Rosalie roared, springing herself from the floor, flashing across the hallway and standing on the tips of her toes to reach eye level with Edward. Edward only chuckled louder.

'Edward, do they seriously think that I am Samara?' Carlisle asked, turning to face Esme who had now stood up from the sofa she had occupied to join the family in the hallway.

'Alice, Jasper, Esme and Rosalie do, but Emmett is currently trying to remember if he remembered to put yesterdays boxing match on TiVo.' Edward smiled, casting a strange look at Emmett.

'I- what?' Carlisle asked, confused, 'Does... does this mean... the televisions!?'

'Erm... that was my idea... Samara comes through the televisions so... we were planning on cleaning this all up before you got home and hoped you wouldn't notice our lack of TVs! But then you came home earlier than we thought and I sort of thought it would be funny if... I didn't tell them it was you...' Edward admitted, running his fingers through his hair nervously.

'YOU KNEW IT WAS HIM?!' Rosalie hissed, pointing behind her back at Carlisle.

'Well, I sort of can read minds, Rose. But I remain confident that we're safe now, because there are no more TVs for Samara to get into our house with.'

'Tell me you're joking!' Carlisle begged, looking at each individual Cullen and Hale before spotting a large post-bonfire-looking object in the background. Shocked that he hadn't noticed it earlier, Carlisle walked slowly into the family room (Emmett and Jasper parting to make way) and took in the scene.

'Hey Jasper?' Emmett whispered to his brother.

'What?'

'Race you to Port Angeles?'

'Why not!'

'GET BACK HERE BOYS!' Carlisle roared, but his sons were already passed the front gates, shaking trees in their paths.

* * *

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	3. Lists, Typos and Humming

'Remember, god... _**please**_ remember that she truly, no matter what, _is _human and can't tell when you're making fun of her... so don't!'

'Edward, calm down. I'm sure we'll all get along with Bella as if she were already one of us!'

'Emmett, she_ is_ one of us.' Carlisle commented sternly, as if scolding Emmett.

'No, no she isn't, Carlisle! She never will be. I won't allow it.' Edward held back a snarl from his father as he struggled to keep his temper.

'Not from what I've seen!' Alice smiled, unaware of just how angry Edward was.

'_**ALICE!**_' Edward half roared, half hissed at his sister, whose smile quickly faded.

'Calm down, Edward.' Jasper commanded, sending waves of serenity through the air.

'I'm afraid you misunderstood me Edward, and I apologize. What I meant was, I am sure that Bella will fit into our little family just fine _exactly_ as she is.' Carlisle spoke slowly to keep Edward's attention on his words and not on planning Alice's death.

'Right, well I agree with you. Now, here are your rules.' Edward forced a smile and began handing out small sheets of paper to his family. The papers Edward had written for every individual Cullen contained a list of at least five rules, except for Emmett's, which contained over fifty seperate rules. These rules were set in place for one very important reason. Edward was about to leave to pick up Bella Swan from her home and bring her here, to the Cullen mansion, to meet Edward's nice, calm, happy, rule-bound family.

'I found a typo!' Emmett grinned, flourishing his paper in the air. Everyone looked up.

'Emmett, there are no typos. I spent three days perfecting those papers so there wouldn't be any misunderstood typos!' Edward scowled.

'Well, as well as this typo, I would also like to bring the fact that Edward has no life to everyone's attention.' Emmett laughed, clearing his throat to announce Edward's typo on his extremely large rules sheet.

'Ahem. It has come to my attention, Emmett, that every time you converse with Jasper you two come up with an annoying plan that frankly, everyone can do without. So, whilst Bella Swan is on Cullen property, you are not to speak, look or think about Jasper (this includes sign language). I will know if you do and I strongly encourage you not to be curious as to what your punishment will be if you break this rule... etc... etc...'

'Wheres the typo?' Edward asked, snatching Emmett's rule sheet off him.

'Would you like me to read it again? Perhaps you missed it.' Emmett teased.

'NO!' Alice, Esme, Rosalie, Jasper and Esme yelled.

'Again, wheres the typo?' Edward asked again after scanning Emmett's rule sheet thrice over.

'The part about me not being able to speak to Jasper!'

'Emmett, how is that a typo?'

'So... it's not a typo then?' Emmett whispered sadly.

'Um... no I'm pretty sure it was deliberately written.' Edward passed Emmett's list back to him slowly, and Emmett took it.

'Well... that sucks...' Emmett sighed and continued to read his list.

'If you could all please turn to rule number eight...' Edward announced, walking to the front door, pulling his jacket on and snatching up the keys to his Volvo. The entire Cullen family began to read rule number eight aloud.

'I shall not, under any circumstance tell Bella why all of our televisions are missing. Nor shall I tell her what the Ring is, who Samara is or what I did last week. Nor shall I mistake her for Samara or any other character in the movie. Nor shall I dress up as Samara and scare people into scaring Bella. Nor shall I take advantage of any loopholes in this rule.'

'That sounds about right! I will return with Bella before the hour is up.' Edward closed the front door behind him. The Cullen's waited until the Volvo's engine was our of earshot before any of them spoke.

'Well... I'm going to get started on the Italian food for Bella!' Esme smiled, walking to the kitchen.

'Esme! Rule number nine for you! No cooking!' Alice called after her mother.

'I can't hear you dear! I'm busy chopping!' Loud humming could now be heard echoing through the Cullen mansion.


	4. Seatbelts, Mailboxes and Body Glitter

**Hey guys!**

**I really need a lot of feedback on this one, I'm not too sure of it.**

**You probably won't find yourself laughing as much as you did in the other chapters, but I'm trying! :)**

**Enjoy, sorry (again) for the delay!  
**

* * *

I heard the Volvo's engine before I heard it's horn. Edward was finally here.

When I say finally, I admit I'm overreacting. Edward is perfectly on time, as my bedside clock reads eleven thirty, the exact time Edward had promised to pick me up to meet his family.I had slept very little last night, my thoughts (more like worries) on the Cullen family consumed any chance I had of sleeping for several hours until the weight of my eyelids finally stopped my thinking in it's tracks. The Volvo's horn sounded again. Edward was impatient this morning, perhaps something was bothering him. I suppose I will find out soon enough.

I skipped the stairs in threes and jumped the final four, excitement pouring through my body. Charlie must have heard the thud of my feet colliding with the bottom of the staircase and assumed I had fallen... because his entrance to the hallway left him panting. I could feel his lack of energy influencing mine as the Volvo's horn sounded for the third time.

'What happened?' Charlie puffed, his chocolate eyes scanning the scene.

'Nothing, Dad!' I smiled, pulling my dark blue coat over my arms.

'Well, someone's in a good mood this morning!' Charlie observed my mood with half a breath as I waited for him to say- 'Now you be careful, Bells. You hear?'

'I will! I promise. I'm just going to meet his family, not a big deal.' I assured Charlie. 'Bye!'

'Have fun, then!'

'I will.' I shot one more smile at Charlie before descending the front stairs.

There he was, leaning against the passengers door of the Volvo, his crooked, mocking smile made me want to hit him and kiss him at the same time. I refrained from doing either as I knew Charlie was watching from the front door. Edward's smile grew as I approached him, and he stood to open my door for me. Once I was seated, Edward closed the door gently and was beside me in a second, starting the engine. I waited for movement, but the Volvo stayed stationary. I waited for several seconds before I felt golden eyes on me. I turned slowly.

'Aren't you forgetting something, Bella?' Edward smirked, one arm on the steering wheel, the other resting casually beside me.

'Um... good morning, Edward?' I suggested, rather confused.

'Good morning to you as well, but that is not what I was referring to.' Edward said politely, and then resumed staring at me. Clearly there was something he wanted me to do. I looked around me, I had tried nothing and was out of ideas.

'A hint would be lovely right about now.' I stated, beginning to feel somewhat annoyed, as his smirk was now larger than ever. Edward's response was to lean over me and pull my seat belt out in front of me so I could see it properly. He kept it there for several seconds before it disappeared in a flash of silver and black, I heard a distinct _click._

'Ah.'

'Yes, ah.' Edward chuckled, 'If you're not going to obey the road safety rules, which I highly recommend you do, I can always turn the child safety lock on.'

'But if you lock my door from the inside, how will I run away screaming "_Vampire!_" once we hit a red light?' I teased, keeping my face serious.

'What makes you think I stop for red lights?' Edward chuckled, but something told me his 'serious face' was genuine.

And we were away.

The drive to the Cullen mansion was longer than I had imagined, I was about to ask how much further we had to travel before I saw an extremely large, handsome white mailbox reading **Cullen** in large black letters.

'Nice little house you've built up the front here' I joked before I could stop myself.

'Yes, we just renovated it actually, the old servant's quarters were too small.'

'I see... but where is the mailbox?' I asked.

'Up there!' Edward leaned forward under the windscreen and pointed to the Cullen family mansion. It's windows were beautiful and large, if I had to guess which mythological creatures lived in this house, I would say elves... or possibly faeries. Approaching the large white building, it continued to grow larger and larger. Once Edward had stopped the car in front of a large garage door in the front yard (or field may better describe it) I noticed Emmett (whom I recognized from the Forks High School cafeteria) painting something onto the front porch with a spray can. If I was ever going to fear a Cullen, my money used to be on Emmett. His size was enough to fear him, let alone his facial expressions always making him look like he's planning something evil. But Edward assured me Emmett was more of a poodle than a bulldog, personality-wise. Edward also told me never to tell Emmett that. Does he honestly think I'm going to call someone as strong as Emmett a poodle? Yeah right.

'Well, I _suppose _it's a rather nice mailbox.' I mused, squinting up at the mansion as though I was observing something tiny.

'I'm glad you approve! Let me get your door.' And Edward was gone, only to reappear less than a second later to open my door and escort me to the front doorsteps where Emmett had spotted us and was now painting extremely fast.

'Emmett, what are you doing with that- EMMETT I TOLD YOU, NO!' Edward roared, flashing up the small set of stairs and pouncing on his giant brother, trying to wrestle the can out of his grip.

'I'm almost finished, Edward! Let me finish the cross!' Emmett struggled, tucking his spray can protectively into his chest.

'Give it to me, Emmett!' Edward made a grab for the spray can, but Emmett wrenched it out of Edward's way.

'No! Let me finish!' Emmett whined like a three year old, Edward was right about the poodle thing.

'Can I help in any way?' I asked, no one heard me.

'ESME!' Edward yelled, I covered my ears. Edward's mother was extremely graceful as she opened the front door. She was also extremely beautiful, I felt admiration for this unknown woman seep through me. Every nice thing Edward had ever said about Esme played through my mind as my eyes matched her warm face to Edward's quotes.

'Edward, you're back! Where is she- Emmett! Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry Edward! I told him no... he told me he left to meet you two at the entrance to the property!' Esme explained as she watched, distressed, while her sons fought over the paint can. I felt so out of place, like an audience member in a movie. I didn't belong in the scene, I was just observing it. But something inside me felt attached to Esme and Emmett, like a milder version of the attachment I have for Edward.

'Oh, Bella!' I jumped at my name. Esme breathed in quickly and smoothed her light purple dress down, though it was already perfect. 'I'm Esme! It's so nice to finally meet you, I'm so sorry about all of this, I'm terribly embarrassed.' She smiled and raised her eyebrows apologetically, but she remained where she stood. Something told me she wanted to come and greet me properly, but another force was keeping her feet rooted to the front porch.

'Don't be!' I smiled reassuringly, 'Boys will be boys, right?'

Esme breathed out a breath of relief. She must have thought I was ready to run for the hills.

'Right.' Esme mirrored my smile.

'Emmett! I found Alice's body glitter, will that do?' Jasper ran out onto the front porch and took in the scene.

'Sprinkle it!' Emmett ordered, spraying paint onto the porch whilst dodging Edward's lunges for the can.

'Jasper! Don't-' Edward tried, but Jasper had already thrown silver sparkles of glitter into the air. The glitter shone as it descended onto the area Emmett was painting.

'Done!' Emmett smiled cheerfully, turning to me as if noticing for the first time that I was there. 'Bella can come in now!'

'Emmett, you genius!' Jasper praised his brother, admiring whatever was on the porch that Emmett had painted.

'Emmett, you idiot!' Edward scolded, after finally succeeding in snatching the spray can. Edward threw the can far away, before descending the front steps to join me as I watched on.

'Hi Bella, I'm Emmett!' Emmett grinned at me.

'Hi Emmett, nice to-' I began, but Edward cut me off.

'Emmett, if you ask her, I'll kill you.' Edward warned. Shocked, I turned to Edward.

'Tell who what?' I questioned, but there was no need.

'I need you to pass over this demon circle before you come in, Bella. Standard procedure. I know it looks like I just painted it and you may get wet paint on your feet, but I assure you, it's been there for years. Everyone has to pass over the demon circle. Right Jasper?' Emmett nudged Jasper on the arm and Jasper nodded at me, smiling.

'EMMETT! BELLA IS _NOT_ A DEMON!' Edward roared, sending shivers down my spine. Suddenly I understood, apparently I was a demon.

'I know she's not Edward! She _may_ just be possessed by one. I once knew this guy who was possessed by a demon, and he didn't even know it. Isn't that weird, Jasper?' Emmett said seriously, turning to Jasper.

'Very.' Jasper nodded in understanding, frowning in thought at the demon circle.

'You did not, Emmett! You made that up.' Edward scoffed.

'Nope, I didn't. His name was Fred, I knew him for years! I drew him up a demon circle and_** poof**_! He was all better. Of course, he was a lot meaner after that... maybe he was possessed by a _nice_ demon...'

'Bella, I'm so sorry about this. We're usually much more normal than this!' Edward assured me, taking my hand. I didn't know what to say.

'Now whose the liar, Edward?' Emmett questioned, crossing his arms in disbelief at Edward.

'YOU'RE DEAD EMMETT!' And by the time my eyes had adjusted, Edward and Emmett were both gone.

'Very... normal.' Esme smiled, opening her arm out to me, a welcome into her home. I stared at the sparkly demon circle as I crossed the front porch. If anyone asked me, I would have sworn that Emmett's demon circle resembled a shiney smiley face with a ring around it.

* * *

_**Please**_** review, I LOVE your opinions! They really help.  
**

**Emmi-Chick**

**xoxo  
**


	5. Teeth, Flagpoles and Forced Apologies

Isabella Swan's jaw dropped, unnoticed, as she entered the Cullen mansion.

Esme Cullen watched Bella closely. In Esme's mind, Bella was already part of her family, not only as as Edward's girlfriend but also as her third daughter.

'What do you think?' Esme asked eagerly, of course she had to know if Bella approved of her home. After all, she'd move in soon as one of them... right?

'Your house is amazing!' Bella breathed, 'I-I can't believe it!'

'You're too kind, Bella!' Esme smiled excitedly.

'No seriously, it's so light... so open in here!'

'I try.' Esme laughed, before remembering her promise to Edward and covering her mouth.

'Is... is something wrong?' Bella asked, having noticed Esme's hand.

'No, nothing!' Esme, as well as the rest of the family, promised Edward to act as normal as they possibly could. This included not showing their teeth, moving slowly and _not _making fun of Bella in anyway. 'I um... I'll go get your sist- I mean, sorry... I um... I'll go and get the girls.'

Bella was left alone in the hallway.

_Somethings very odd about this family... and it's not that they're all dead... _Bella thought to herself, staring off in the direction Esme had disappeared.

* * *

'Emmett! Come down here!' Edward called to his brother, who had secured himself to the top of a flag pole.

'No way! You'll hit me again!' Emmett retaliated, dodging a shoe Edward hurled at him by millimeters.

'Of course I won't! I just want to talk!' Edward lied, untying his other shoe.

'Lies!' Emmett roared, 'Filthy lies!'

'No really!' Edward tried again, hiding his shoe behind his back.

'Whats with the shoe then?' Emmett pointed.

'What shoe?'

'The shoe behind your back!'

'I'm not holding any shoes, Emmett!'

'LIES!'

'I sincerely just want to _talk_!' Edward called.

'We'll we can _talk_ up here!'

'Fine...' Edward pretended to give in, turning towards the house. Emmett relaxed slightly, sliding down the pole a few inches. 'We'll _talk_ UP THERE!'

Edward began to climb the flag pole, Emmett desperately trying to climb but he was already as high as he could go. Edward reached Emmett at the top of the flag pole and began to pull on Emmett's leg, which Emmett began to kick at Edward. Letting go of the pole, Edward dangled high above the ground, Emmett's leg his only support. Emmett was trying to kick Edward off as he screamed '**SORRY, SORRY, SORRY**.'

Luckily for Emmett, Edward only wished to _talk _to his brother...

* * *

'This is the family room, we mostly just watch movies in here.' Esme lead Bella into the family room, her voice was muffled by her attempts to keep her teeth hidden.

'It's so pretty.' Bella commented to herself, staring up at the large patterned ceiling in awe. Esme heard and flashed a grin Bella's way. Bella was entranced for a short moment by the whiteness and perfection of Esme's teeth. Esme realised, clamped her mouth shut and began trying to distract Bella.

'Do you enjoy movies, Bella?'

'Yeah, I prefer the classics though.' Bella replied politely.

'Of course you do.' Esme breathed to herself, smiling. Bella hadn't heard her. Esme and Bella's conversation was interrupted as Emmett and Edward entered the family room.

'Bella, Emmett would like to say something to you.' Edward smiled, nudging Emmett hard in the ribs.

'I'm sorry...' Emmett mumbled, shuffling his feet.

'And...?' Edward pressed, nudging his brother again.

'Edward, this isn't necessary, really, I-' But Bella was cut off.

'No, no. Emmett needs this.' Edward assured Bella before turning to his brother. 'Emmett?'

'I promise not to draw demon circles anymore.' Emmett sighed.

'Because...?'

'Because Bella isn't and never will be a demon...'

'And...?'

'_And_ Frank doesn't exist.' Emmett finished, looking to Edward for approval.

'Good! Thank you, Emmett! Don't you feel much better now?' Edward patted Emmett on the back.

'Not really.'

'Nonsense.' Edward replied happily.

'Can I have my spray can back now?' Emmett asked hopefully.

'No.'

* * *

**Not as funny or as long as the others, but I'm running out of ideas!**  
**Suggestions would be lovely!**

**Emmi-chick  
**


	6. Distraction, Buttons and Ghost Busters

**Here you go!**

**Twice in two days!**

**A very awesomely special thanks to ****Aelimir for the awesomely special ideas!**

**

* * *

EMMETT POV**

My howl of terror echoed through the forest, but by the time the second echo had sounded, I was already safely back inside the house.

My chest heaved with newly found horror, I blinked, and Jasper was in front of me, having sensed my fear.

'Emmett, what happened? Are you alright?' Jasper sounded distressed, scanning my body for injuries or any signs of an attack.

I tried to reply, but my voice was lost. Jasper waited impatiently for me to recover, walking to the windows to check outside.

'I... I...' I tried, but my chest stung with fear, keeping my throat tight. If I were human, I believe this is would be a heart attack.

'Emmett, you need to tell me! Out with it! What did you see?' Jasper pressed, grabbing my shoulders roughly, staring me down. I was cornered, I couldn't hold it in-

'_Samara_.'

* * *

**EDWARD POV**

'And this is my room.' I stated nervously, leading Bella through the hallway and into my golden-carpeted sanctuary.

Bella's first instinct was to find and sit on my bed. But it didn't exist. I watched her spin around twice looking for it, before she turned to me.

'No bed?' She asked, confused.

'No, I don't sleep.' I admitted, taking a step into my room.

'Ever?'

'No, not at all.' I smiled, Bella looked surprised, but she dropped the subject despite the many unasked questions I could see in her eyes.

Bella opened her mouth to say something, but a loud, Emmett-like scream prevented her from transforming her thoughts into words. Curse him.

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGHH!!!' _Crash. Slam_.

Bella looked horrified. I decided to ignore the screaming, assuming Emmett's football team had lost a point or something. I wondered if distraction would work on Bella...

'So... do you like... stuff?' I asked slowly.

Bella raised her eyebrows.

_Maybe _I should have thought that through...

* * *

**JASPER POV**

Edward told me not to speak to Bella, so I took refuge in mine and Alice's room with a history book while Alice re-arranged her wardrobe again, this time by favorite to least favorite.

'Alice, did you know that there were an average of six stretchers for every one thousand injured soldiers in World War One?' I asked my wife, fascinated that I had found a fact about a war I'd never read before.

'That's so tragic...' Alice sighed. I looked up at her in surprise.

'Did you just say what I thought you just said? _You _care? Wait... you _listened_ to what I _said_?' Normally Alice would tell me she honestly couldn't care less, this was a first!

'Sorry, did you say something Jasper?' Alice asked, noticing my voice for the first time.

'Um... no, I didn't.' I smiled, turning back to my book.

'Look Jasper, the button on my ninth favorite shirt came off! How tragic is this?' Alice murmured, holding the shirt up to me.

'Extremely.' I lied.

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGHH!!!' _Crash. Slam_.

'What the hell was that?' I sat up too suddenly, and my book flew into the opposite wall leaving a rectangular imprint.

'It sounded like Emmett!' Alice gasped. 'You don't think he heard me when I said my shirt was ruined?'

'Yeah, I'm sure he'd be devastated about that.' I said sarcastically, searching for Emmett's emotions.

'His football team probably got fouled or someth-'

'He's terrified! Absolutely horrified! Somethings happened. Stay here.' And then I ran from the room containing my shocked wife, a mound of clothes and an imprinted wall in search of Emmett.

* * *

**ESME POV**

'I think it went wonderful, Carlisle! She's such a sweetheart... really loves the house too!' I recollected to my husband over the phone. Carlisle was still at work, but I couldn't wait to tell him all about Bella.

'_What did Emmett do?_' Replied the phone.

'What are you talking about? Emmett didn't do anything...' I lied.

'_Darling, you never were an excellent liar. And of course Emmett did something, he's Emmett. Alice gave me a list of the possible things he would do when Bella arrived. Which one did he go with? The witch hunt? The holy water? The Ghost Busters?'_

'The Demon Circle.' I sighed, defeated.

'_Ah. Personally, I thought he'd go with the Ghost Busters..._' Carlisle mused.

'Don't tell me you're disappointed?' I smiled, twirling the phone chord between my fingers.

'_Hardly. Poor Bella, is she alright?_'

'Bella was surprisingly okay with it! She said "Boys will be boys" as they wrestled over a can of paint right in front of her! It was quite remarkable.'

'_Impressive. There's more to this Bella than meets the eye then._' Carlisle complimented.

'I think so too-'

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGHH!!!' _Crash. Slam_.

'_WHAT WAS THAT?_' Carlisle roared into my ear. If I were human, I'd now be deaf.

'I'm not sure. It sounded like Emmett, his football team must have lost the game.' I pondered. 'Anyway, I'm going to go check on Bella again.'

'_Esme, don't check on Bella again. I'm sure she's perfectly fine with Edward. Are you positive it was just over the football game?_' Carlisle questioned cautiously.

'Yes, yes. It's Emmett, darling. I'm sure he's fine.' I smiled into the phone.

'_Esme, don't go and check on Bella again! She'll think you're stalking her!_' Carlisle pointed out. What nonsense, I'd only checked on her _twice_ in the past ten minutes.

'Alright I won't.' I lied.

'_You're a terrible liar._' Carlisle chucked, but he was serious about me not checking on Bella. What was the big deal?

'You're breaking up! _Chhhzzhhssskkkk_... Carlisle?! _Zkkkesshhherzhh..._' I found it difficult not to laugh.

'_Esme, don't check on her again!_' The phone warned me.

'What? _Eshhhzzrkkksszzzch..._'

'_Esme, don't-_'

_Click!_

Oh yeah, I'm good.

_

* * *

_**ROSALIE POV**

I was sitting innocently in my room. That stupid Bella was hogging all the attention. I mean, when was the last time Emmett drew _me _a demon circle? Talk about neglecting your _WIFE_!

Not that_ I_ care.

My nails need serious attention right now, and seeing as the stupid TV broke my stupid nail-file, I have to use _stupid_ sandpaper. Gross.

I became bored with my nails soon enough, so I picked up my TV remote, pointed and clicked, but nothing happened.

No TV.

This was all Emmett's fault. If he hadn't rented The Ring, I'd still have my TV... and my nail-file.

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGHH!!!' _Crash. Slam_.

'WILL YOU KEEP IT DOWN?' I roared at my husband, who I'm sure the screaming emitted from. 'SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO BE NEGATIVE UP HERE! THANKS A BUNCH!'

Honestly. Can't a vampire wallow in her own negativity for _one_ hour in this house?

* * *

**Curious...?**

**Good.**  
**Comments are always lovely :)**

**Thanks again to ****Aelimir for the ideas! You rock!**  
**Emmi-Chick**


End file.
